Look out Gwyneth Paltrow! You're no longer the only celebrity wellness mogul in the village.
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What? The last thing the world needs right now is another spruiker of $150,000 18k gold dumbbells.
Turns out that Goop was just the beginning. GP's online home of wacky wellness has inspired an entire genre.
What's out there? Bloop? Gooch? Soup? And who's doing it? Please tell me it's not Meghan Markle. Or Donald Trump.
First there was Kourtney Kardashian, the oldest of the K clan, with her website Poosh, where she says she's "curating a lifestyle that is very much the lifestyle I lead."
I've seen that lifestyle. It's all about welcoming your husband out of rehab again and naming your child Reign. How do you curate that?
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KK focuses on the simple things, such as her "signature salad", a plate containing separate piles of chopped-up egg, tomatoes and avocado - a masterpiece of unintentional comedy.
She also recommends travelling with your own blood cream, the world's creepiest beauty innovation involving a German doctor extracting your plasma and mixing it into a moisturiser for around $1,600.
Eek! Please don't curate me that lifestyle. Let's move on.
There's re.spin, Halle Berry's online platform, where the Catwoman star sells wellness and fitness products and shares life advice.
Nice. What's the vibe?
Halle's mission statement is: "re.spin everything you thought you knew about what you know."
I'm spinning out already. What led Halle to the healing path?
Think of it as a public service (except one that boosts the wealth of an already stupendously rich movie star). Re.spin was born out of the Covid pandemic, during which, says its blurb, there was a "global outcry from Halle's fans to connect on a deeper level."
How kind of Halle. Who else on planet celeb is offering us their spiritual guidance?
You can visit World of Victoria Beckham, where the one-time Spice Girl invites us all to "participate in the VB lifestyle."
Yes please, I'll take some of that. Where's the party? Her London mansion or the country estate? Will there be thrones? And will Becks and his torso be involved?
Unfortunately, your participation in VB's lifestyle consists only of buying her beauty products, such as a $250 face serum.
Oh. What a load of Posh Goopy Poosh.
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